Focus

I am sitting in a chalet facing the ocean. Wave after wave rolls in, some with spray, some green, some meeting in the middle of a single wave. The horizon is so perfectly straight. Clouds but some faint blue sky showing through at the horizon. My camera is beside me. My iPod is playing Sandi Patty, “We Shall Behold Him”. The smells of breakfast are coming from the kitchen. The pine tree beside the window is still.

The first morning this pine tree had about five little birds flying, landing, getting food, and departing. So, for the next two mornings I have waited for the small birds to return. As I was taking pictures of the waves, a small flock of the yellowish birds flew past the window. My focus was on the waves.

It reminded me of how often my focus is elsewhere when God is waiting for me to communicate with Him. The other night I was saddened by a comment on Facebook and decided to read some verses on Bible Gateway. The verse of the day was Colossians 3:17  NLT  "And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father."   Our actions and responses must reflect Him. Wow! The loving Lord was present: God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1  NIV After praying, my focus remained on Him and on what the other person needed. PTL!

Reminders of focusing on Him, on the other person, on His Word put a smile on my face. Focusing on me often robs me of the joy. There is joy if we keep our focus on Him.  (And... another flock of birds just flew by the window.  Funny!  HE is present and has a sense of humor.)

(My CT Scan showed the small tumors in my lung but they are stable - not growing.  Thank-YOU, Lord!)

Give It Back to Him

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?
        The one thing I ask of the Lord—
        the thing I seek most—
        is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
        delighting in the Lord’s perfections
        and meditating in his Temple.
        For He will conceal me there when troubles come;
        He will hide me in his sanctuary.
        He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
                Hear me as I pray, O Lord.
                Be merciful and answer me!
                My heart has heard You say, “Come and talk with Me.”
                And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”   

Psalm 27:1, 4 - 5, 7 - 8  NLT

Psalm 27 is a source of strength for me.  Today, I could feel myself becoming anxious for the results of my CT Scan.  Back to my process so that I can leave it with the Lord. He is my Light: sheds light on the Truth, the future, the darkness.  He is my Salvation: directs my focus, clarifies importance, saves me. He is my Fortress: protective buildings, safe home, all around, above, beneath.  I reviewed why I don't need to worry because all of the possibilities are covered and He knows which one is real. Look at Who He is!

There are actions for me to take:  live in His house, His Presence, awareness of Him;  delight on His characteristics, His perfection; meditate in His temple, in His creation, in His Word. And, most of all, talk to Him.  He asks us to COME and TALK with Him.  Physically come to a place where we can focus on prayer, talking, and listening.  He is available.

I do not need to stress or take back the results from Him. Focus on His Word and characteristics.  Pray.  He will meet me and give me peace.  Find your place to live, delight, meditate and then talk with our loving, perfect Lord.

My Process

I had my CT Scan a few days ago but I haven't been worrying or thinking much about the results.  This time I was able to process the outcome the way I did when Tim, my son, was in Iraq.

For a mother having a child in war is a difficult time. The Lord was faithful, helped me, and gave me peace.  One thing I did was think about what could happen.  Then, I went through each scenario and thought about what the future would be like. I gave it back to the Lord and if I was tempted to take it back and worry, I'd go through the steps again.

This week, I listed what the CT Scan could show:

        1. The tumors have shrunk in size or disappeared due to the medication.

        2. The medication has kept the tumors the same size.

        3. The tumors have grown.

        4. The cancer has spread and there are more tumors in the lungs.

        5. The cancer has spread to other parts of my body.

Next, I thought about what each possibility would mean for my life. 

        1. Praise the LORD, the side effects from the medication are worth it.

        2. Same...Praise the LORD, it is worth it.

        3. With my oncologist, we will decide if there is another option for treatment.

        4. Same discussion will be needed.

        5. This discussion will be about the quality of life.

Last, the situation goes back to the LORD because it is out of my control.  While waiting, I can read verses in my Bible, listen to music, laugh, write, go up to southern Washington/Oregon to visit family and friends, use my camera to record the beauty around me, and focus on those around me. 

The Lord is my strength and shield.

I trust Him with all my heart.

He helps me,

and my heart is filled with joy.

I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

Psalm 28:7  NLT

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do,

and He will show you which path to take. 

Proverbs 3:5 - 6  NLT

This process works for me while in limbo.  Each of us are unique and must find our own way to cope while waiting for answers.  What is your coping process?

Another Test Followed by Waiting

This has been stated several times in my blog but here I go again:  CT Scan on Wednesday to see if the medication has slowed down the growth, stopped the growth, or shrunk the tumors in my left lung. Or, is it spreading? Cancer is the focus this week.

This is my command—be strong and courageous!

Do not be afraid or discouraged.

For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

Joshua 1:9  NLT

Amen! HE is with me and my focus needs to stay on Him.  I KNOW this! Then the human side kicks in and I am reminded that my body is battling an enemy that has broken through the protective walls.  Some days I can forget that battle and just deal with the energy or lack of energy. For example, today I learned another coping skill for getting up and out of the shower:  keep a cane next to the shower door and use it for balance.  (Wow!  I'm a genius!!!) 

In the middle of all of exercise of disciplining my thoughts, another blessing came: a trip up north.  I love it here and am very, very thankful to be right where I am.  But a trip?  That gets my mind off from waiting for the results.  A "God thing" is what I like to call it.  Not discouraged...I'll reconnect with other family members and the beauty around me. I love how the Lord works things out and changes settings so that we can see Him more clearly.  All Kevin had to say was: it looks like you prefer riding to flying...unless you will let the airline workers come get you at the curb with a wheelchair.  Or, is that telling yourself that you can't fly?

So, scan on Wednesday, my sister and her husband come visit on Thursday or Friday, and I will try to "catch a ride" with them on Sunday. During the wait time, I'll be up north. What an awesome God!

Psalm 31 is awesome! Take time to read it as it ends with "be strong..."