Waiting

Don't you just hate waiting? Today my computer and all the apps on my phone are giving me the symbol that moves in a circular pattern. Usually while waiting for my computer to do something, I use my phone. Today, both are making me wait! Thankfully, I can still read a book without seeing the wait pattern.

My impatience made me think about two people with whom I've communicated the past few days. One is waiting on a decision about going through chemo again or just letting the cancer have its way.  The other cancer patient is deciding whether to go through surgery or to take advantage of other methods to help his life have the best qualities possible.  Both are waiting on guidance to make the decisions about their health and future. It boils down to quality vs quantity of life. 

For those of us battling cancer, that decision comes up a lot with treatments.  After two rounds of chemotherapy for breast cancer, I called my pastor and told him that I was thinking of stopping the treatments. He prayed with me and then told me that a lot of people that he has known, have gotten to that point.  Then he reminded me that I was halfway through this particular chemo and that after the third round, it would feel like I was going down hill.  He was right and I probably would not be here today, if I had not continued the treatments. My breast cancer has been "silent" for two and a half years.

Waiting and grieving seem to be partners in life and in health issues.  Test. Wait for the results. Treatment. Wait to see if it is impacting the growth of the disease. Grieve the loss of freedom. Or, counseling. Wait to see if it is improving the relationship. Take new steps. Wait to see the impact. And, grieve the loss of what you thought the relationship would be. Or, meet someone new. Wait for him to ask you out. Go out. Wait to see if he asks again. 

My adult life has had a lot of opportunities to practice waiting. During one of the most difficult times of waiting for me I began to read Waiting on God by Andrew Murray. This book had such a huge impact on my faith. If God is in control, then why don't I trust Him? If God has a plan for me, why am I afraid? If God is the main relationship in my life, then why do I worry about the love or acceptance of others? If God goes before, behind, above, and below me in life, what could take me away from Him?  If God...then why? 

Yet I am confident I will see the LORD’s goodness
      while I am here in the land of the living.

 Wait patiently for the LORD.
      Be brave and courageous.
      Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

Psalm 27:13 - 14  NLT

We all have decisions, information, events that we are waiting to have happen. Technology may always make us wait. Medicine and tests will make us wait. People will make us wait. Even the calendar makes us wait. But, waiting can be turned into hope and a time of growth. Think about it. Reflect on what you do when you have to wait. Is God a part of the process?

Even youths will become weak and tired,
      and young men will fall in exhaustion.
 But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
      They will soar high on wings like eagles.
   They will run and not grow weary.
      They will walk and not faint. 

Isaiah 40:30 - 31  NLT

For me, I don't know how long it will take for the R.C.C. to end my life. I do not know if I will be here to see my grand kids. I do not know if I have taught my children everything they need to have a "successful" life. I have grieved about these things and have given them to God. He will let me soar on wings like eagles - here or in Heaven. And, His promises are here for my children too...and you.