God is Good

After accepting that negative feelings are part of being human, I have moved forward. The past two days I have gone back to looking at the "half full glass". (Mine is really quite full!) Here is a list of the events and places I have experienced:

. Traveled to Jamaica, Puerto Rico, Columbia as a Campfire Girl - cruise ship

Flown to South Carolina to see my son graduate Boot Camp

Traveled many times by car to Wisconsin and Minnesota

Traveled by train from Seattle to St Paul, MN

Took a road trip with my siblings, two nieces, and a great niece

Have been to the Grand Canyon

Have been to Disneyland

Went to Florida as an evaluator of several schools

Lived in Minneapolis, Seattle, Kent, Eden, ID, and San Jose

Camped in most of western WA state parks

Explored southwestern WA, Oregon coast, Leavenworth, Victoria, Vancouver, Las Vegas,San Antonio, San Diego, Los Angeles, and San Francisco

Have been to 16 states and three countries

There is beauty in all places. As a child while traveling through Montana, Dad would point out the beauty all around us. As a child, it felt like a long, boring state. As an adult I found beauty of all kinds. Perspective! There will always be activities that we won't be able to do and places we cannot go. But, in life, we change expectations and activities according to the "I Cans". For me, the world of birds has broadened and I don't want that to stop.

Psalm 116:1, 5, 6 (NLT) I love the Lord because he hears my voice... How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours!

Back to the Onion

Everyday can bring so many new thoughts and experiences for each of us. It could be the seasonal changes, a new awareness in your neighborhood, an event mentioned in the news, or a photograph.

One lady on Facebook has been posting beautiful pictures of colorful things. Sometimes it is a display of colored cups or a mosaic sidewalk with beautiful colors or a building of multiple colors. Several ideas for photographs came flooding into my consciousness. I'd like to try some of those...do you know how much energy it takes to use a camera? Well, let me just say it was't happenin' anytime soon.

Three years ago a friend and I climbed up the path of Beacon Rock in southwestern Washington. It was beautiful!!! We had so much fun. Looking at a picture that she took of me with a beautiful view as the background I realized that I won't be doing that again. Another layer of awareness and acceptance is falling off my onion. At first it made me sad until I thought about my brother's sermon last week. It was about resisting God's plan in our lives. It is a constant part of being human.

Usually I jump to the positive within a very short time. This month it is taking me longer. The other day, while waiting for my laptop to do what I wanted, I became very irritated. I mentioned this to Kevin and said that I don't know where my resistance is but I have very little patience left. So, we talked about my emotions. I don't like to be negative, impatient, or grumpy. That's not me - or at least who I perceive myself to be. It's a struggle for me to accept that those feelings are ok. I know that they are ok for others, but not for me! Hah! So, I have been resisting the emotions that I feel. It probably takes more energy to fight these emotions rather than acknowledge them and work through them.

Do you feel like you block your own feelings or do you feel like you react to things but can't understand why your words just hurt someone? Your intentions were pure. Or we're they? Maybe you have your emotions figured out but are resisting something else that is part of aphis plan. Look at it through your "glasses of faith" and see if you can trust. My goal is going to be to listen to my emotions, accept that I am human, and work through them. What is your goal?

Listen

Mockingbirds can be noisy birds but I never tire of hearing them.  Their songs vary and are quite interesting.  There is a family of at least three that visit the trees in the backyard. It is fun to pretend what they are saying to each other.  The conversation can be fifteen minutes long. 

Listening to these intriguing conversations made me think about what God hears in our conversations.  Does He listen to noise or beautiful sounds?  Does He like what He hears or is it clutter?  Like a "mocking"bird, do we repeat negative words or do we choose positive, kind words? We choose what sounds or words come out of our mouths.  I do not know how much thought goes into the sounds a bird copies but we are gifted with guides and a brain. 

 

When I am falling asleep at night, I try to have my last thoughts be praise and prayer needs for others. Occassionally, a quick thought or inappropriate word flashes and I quickly ask for forgiveness.  I used to say, "Lord, did You hear that?  Where did that come from?"  Then, I stopped saying that because He naturally can hear it and I really don't want Him to hear inappropriate, negative words.  He is Holy!  So, now I immediately ask for forgiveness. 

 Indeed, we all make many mistakes.

For if we could control our tongues,

we would be perfect and

could also control ourselves in every other way. 

We can make a large horse go wherever we want

by means of a small bit in its mouth.

And a small rudder

makes a huge ship turn

wherever the pilot chooses to go,

even though the winds are strong.

In the same way,

the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.

And the tongue is a flame of fire.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish,

but no one can tame the tongue.

Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father,

and sometimes it curses those who have been made

in the image of God.

And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth.

Surely, my brothers and sisters,

this is not right! 

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure

...peace loving, gentle at all times...

willing to yield to others...mercy.       

James 3:2 - 6a, 7 - 10, 17  NLT

I love these verses because they are so visual, but the part that I remember is the wisdom that says we praise and curse with the same tongue.  One of my nieces wrote a paper for a college class about cause and effect, specifically about the earthquake in Japan.  It was impressive to see how her prayer life and God's Presence just flowed through her words.  God must have been smiling at what He was hearing.  Just like the beauty of the mockingbird's song, this young lady talked about the fear of waiting to hear from her friend who lives in Japan. Prayer was her choice.  I will copy the sweet sounds of the life around me.

Peeling My Onion

The analogy of an onion being like grief is very visual to me.  At one point last week, I wanted to write about how big or thick my onion must be - it has so many layers to peel.  But, don't we all?  In the past three years I have learned so much about myself, family, friends, letting go, and acceptance. 

It has almost been one year since I said "good-bye" to teaching, my town home, the church where I had attended, my medical team, and all that was familiar to me.  I had stopped driving during the first two years of this tug-of-war with cancer.  Playing the piano, writing, and drawing were difficult because of neuropathy in my fingers (from chemo).  Living alone was not happening anymore.

Then, in the fall, the cane came into my life.  It has been a great tool for me as my balance is not good.  For about a month or six weeks, I have hardly left the house due to fatigue or weakness.  How ridiculous!  There are tools for that!  After pealing more of the layers from the onion, it became a necessary decision to get a walker, wheelchair, or scooter.  Friends were able to offer their suggestions and explained their thinking.  It was very helpful. 

Like my cane, I chose a "fancy" walker because I plan on using it a few years.  It has a seat, brakes, cup holder, and bags for carry-a-longs.  There is even a spot for my cane.  Kevin is so giving and careful to prevent a fall that he has gone on walks with me.  (He says that I still need a walking buddy to make sure that I am steady with it.  Then I can take it out around the neighborhood alone.)  After grieving the loss of specific freedoms, I am now very excited about my walker.

We peel one layer off the onion, tears come, we accept it, and move forward.  Another change or loss and we peel another layer off of the onion, tears come, we examine it, accept it, and move forward.  Whether the change is in moving, a new job, physical limitations, a new stage in life, or loss of a loved one, God is there, helping us peel the layer from the onion, holding or steadying us through the tears, and showing the joy on the other side of acceptance. 

If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

Since He did not spare even his own Son but gave Him up for us all,

won’t He also give us everything else? 

Romans 8:31 - 32  NLT

Our view of "everything else" might have to change some but He is God, Almighty, and Love.  Now, for me, my goal is to play the piano everyday.  It takes energy!  I can play at an easier level for 15 minutes and it is a delight!  Peel the layer, grieve, accept, change expectations, and mover forward.  What will you do to move forward?