Peeling My Onion

The analogy of an onion being like grief is very visual to me.  At one point last week, I wanted to write about how big or thick my onion must be - it has so many layers to peel.  But, don't we all?  In the past three years I have learned so much about myself, family, friends, letting go, and acceptance. 

It has almost been one year since I said "good-bye" to teaching, my town home, the church where I had attended, my medical team, and all that was familiar to me.  I had stopped driving during the first two years of this tug-of-war with cancer.  Playing the piano, writing, and drawing were difficult because of neuropathy in my fingers (from chemo).  Living alone was not happening anymore.

Then, in the fall, the cane came into my life.  It has been a great tool for me as my balance is not good.  For about a month or six weeks, I have hardly left the house due to fatigue or weakness.  How ridiculous!  There are tools for that!  After pealing more of the layers from the onion, it became a necessary decision to get a walker, wheelchair, or scooter.  Friends were able to offer their suggestions and explained their thinking.  It was very helpful. 

Like my cane, I chose a "fancy" walker because I plan on using it a few years.  It has a seat, brakes, cup holder, and bags for carry-a-longs.  There is even a spot for my cane.  Kevin is so giving and careful to prevent a fall that he has gone on walks with me.  (He says that I still need a walking buddy to make sure that I am steady with it.  Then I can take it out around the neighborhood alone.)  After grieving the loss of specific freedoms, I am now very excited about my walker.

We peel one layer off the onion, tears come, we accept it, and move forward.  Another change or loss and we peel another layer off of the onion, tears come, we examine it, accept it, and move forward.  Whether the change is in moving, a new job, physical limitations, a new stage in life, or loss of a loved one, God is there, helping us peel the layer from the onion, holding or steadying us through the tears, and showing the joy on the other side of acceptance. 

If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

Since He did not spare even his own Son but gave Him up for us all,

won’t He also give us everything else? 

Romans 8:31 - 32  NLT

Our view of "everything else" might have to change some but He is God, Almighty, and Love.  Now, for me, my goal is to play the piano everyday.  It takes energy!  I can play at an easier level for 15 minutes and it is a delight!  Peel the layer, grieve, accept, change expectations, and mover forward.  What will you do to move forward?