What Good is That?

Turning to Philip, he asked, “Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?”

He was testing Philip, for he already knew what he was going to do.

Philip replied, “Even if we worked for months,

we wouldn’t have enough money to feed them!”

Then Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up.

“There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish.

But what good is that with this huge crowd?”

John 6:5 - 9  NLT

As I'm studying the Gospel of John, new thoughts and applications come to mind.  The disciples had seen Jesus heal others. He had also turned water into wine. They had daily been with Him.  And yet...

I have His Word. There have been many miracles in my life. He has been a constant Source of strength. He has shown compassion and forgiveness. I choose to spend daily time with Him.  And yet...

You have access to His Word. Hopefully you have seen His hands in your life. You can choose to spend time with Him everyday.  And yet...

One week was especially rough, physically:  a pulled muscle, anemia, nausea, headache. Then in one day, I had a nosebleed that got on a white blouse of mine, bladder issues, ending with a rough bout of diarrhea. I became frustrated and asked "how much more?" After mentioning my frustration to my wise brother, I apologized for complaining.  "Complaining doesn't do any good. Sorry." "It would be frustrating..." (So, he knows that I need to vent at times.)  And yet... 

God went before me when I found out that India was not in the plans. He orchestrated (through a dear friend) getting my job back with full benefits. The Lord held me in His arms during the roughest parts of chemo.  He carried me through kidney and lung surgeries. He was with me March, 2011, when it appeared I'd had a stroke and lost my thinking abilities. He grieved with me when I had to give up teaching. He surrounded me when I moved to San Jose.  And yet...

My - Our relationship with Christ often goes to deeper levels of understanding. Just like the disciples, every step shows us His wisdom, compassion, and power. Just like these followers of Jesus, we have said, "We wouldn't have enough money..." And, "But what good is that...?"  Step by step. Day by day. Remember He is always working in us.



Always Working

"My Father is always working, And so am I." John 5:17. NLT
As I study John, one of my favorite books of the Bible, this verse stood out to me. It struck me about ten days ago and yet I didn't blog. Now I know why. This verse is a great reminder for those who lived through the horrors in Colorado and for all of us.

In context, the Jewish leaders were talking to Jesus about healing on the Sabbath. Jesus' reply was reminding us that the Father and Son are always working. God is good, loving, full of compassion, ever-present, merciful, listening, and our Comforter. No matter what is happening, we can talk to Him, question, grieve, cry, and later heal.
"MY FATHER IS ALWAYS WORKING, AND SO AM I."

Reality or Wishful Thinking

Reality: I use my walker to go outside and there will be strong days and weak days. Wishful Thinking: I still find myself thinking that I can do everything that I used to do.

As we age that becomes the experience of a lot of people. Are there times when you forget your limits? I definitely DO NOT mean to stop trying new recipes, a new skill, improving on a skill or talent. At this time I am referring to physical or even financial limitations.

A friend of mine was telling me a funny story of one thing that she had done which really embarrassed her. She has been waiting for me to tell her the foolish, embarrassing thing that I did. So, here it goes:

As I stated, to get around outside I need a walker. While sitting in bed, I think I can do anything...until I stand up. One day, a deal for a Razor Scooter was in my email and I thought, "I want to try that!" (Yes, laughing is allowed.) Well, I ordered a nice red and silver razor scooter. WHAT WAS I THINKING???!!! I can loose my balance just walking a few feet or turning around. Reality? Hardly.

The beautiful scooter is here and we haven't even taken it out of the box! Everyone has had a great laugh, but, I don't even know who can safely use it. It's too dangerous for me to give it to my nephews or nieces because I don't want them to get seriously hurt. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

What can I learn from this? Probably many things but two main points come to mind: laughing at myself is good - we all need to do some laughing; accept limits. My physical limits, and even financial limits, are real. There are skills which are gone, freedoms I've lost, and changes that we all need to make - one day at a time. Now, it is time to replace those losses with the gains in my life. Adjusting and adapting is part of being alive.

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5 - 6 NLT

God is Good

After accepting that negative feelings are part of being human, I have moved forward. The past two days I have gone back to looking at the "half full glass". (Mine is really quite full!) Here is a list of the events and places I have experienced:

. Traveled to Jamaica, Puerto Rico, Columbia as a Campfire Girl - cruise ship

Flown to South Carolina to see my son graduate Boot Camp

Traveled many times by car to Wisconsin and Minnesota

Traveled by train from Seattle to St Paul, MN

Took a road trip with my siblings, two nieces, and a great niece

Have been to the Grand Canyon

Have been to Disneyland

Went to Florida as an evaluator of several schools

Lived in Minneapolis, Seattle, Kent, Eden, ID, and San Jose

Camped in most of western WA state parks

Explored southwestern WA, Oregon coast, Leavenworth, Victoria, Vancouver, Las Vegas,San Antonio, San Diego, Los Angeles, and San Francisco

Have been to 16 states and three countries

There is beauty in all places. As a child while traveling through Montana, Dad would point out the beauty all around us. As a child, it felt like a long, boring state. As an adult I found beauty of all kinds. Perspective! There will always be activities that we won't be able to do and places we cannot go. But, in life, we change expectations and activities according to the "I Cans". For me, the world of birds has broadened and I don't want that to stop.

Psalm 116:1, 5, 6 (NLT) I love the Lord because he hears my voice... How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours!

Back to the Onion

Everyday can bring so many new thoughts and experiences for each of us. It could be the seasonal changes, a new awareness in your neighborhood, an event mentioned in the news, or a photograph.

One lady on Facebook has been posting beautiful pictures of colorful things. Sometimes it is a display of colored cups or a mosaic sidewalk with beautiful colors or a building of multiple colors. Several ideas for photographs came flooding into my consciousness. I'd like to try some of those...do you know how much energy it takes to use a camera? Well, let me just say it was't happenin' anytime soon.

Three years ago a friend and I climbed up the path of Beacon Rock in southwestern Washington. It was beautiful!!! We had so much fun. Looking at a picture that she took of me with a beautiful view as the background I realized that I won't be doing that again. Another layer of awareness and acceptance is falling off my onion. At first it made me sad until I thought about my brother's sermon last week. It was about resisting God's plan in our lives. It is a constant part of being human.

Usually I jump to the positive within a very short time. This month it is taking me longer. The other day, while waiting for my laptop to do what I wanted, I became very irritated. I mentioned this to Kevin and said that I don't know where my resistance is but I have very little patience left. So, we talked about my emotions. I don't like to be negative, impatient, or grumpy. That's not me - or at least who I perceive myself to be. It's a struggle for me to accept that those feelings are ok. I know that they are ok for others, but not for me! Hah! So, I have been resisting the emotions that I feel. It probably takes more energy to fight these emotions rather than acknowledge them and work through them.

Do you feel like you block your own feelings or do you feel like you react to things but can't understand why your words just hurt someone? Your intentions were pure. Or we're they? Maybe you have your emotions figured out but are resisting something else that is part of aphis plan. Look at it through your "glasses of faith" and see if you can trust. My goal is going to be to listen to my emotions, accept that I am human, and work through them. What is your goal?

Listen

Mockingbirds can be noisy birds but I never tire of hearing them.  Their songs vary and are quite interesting.  There is a family of at least three that visit the trees in the backyard. It is fun to pretend what they are saying to each other.  The conversation can be fifteen minutes long. 

Listening to these intriguing conversations made me think about what God hears in our conversations.  Does He listen to noise or beautiful sounds?  Does He like what He hears or is it clutter?  Like a "mocking"bird, do we repeat negative words or do we choose positive, kind words? We choose what sounds or words come out of our mouths.  I do not know how much thought goes into the sounds a bird copies but we are gifted with guides and a brain. 

 

When I am falling asleep at night, I try to have my last thoughts be praise and prayer needs for others. Occassionally, a quick thought or inappropriate word flashes and I quickly ask for forgiveness.  I used to say, "Lord, did You hear that?  Where did that come from?"  Then, I stopped saying that because He naturally can hear it and I really don't want Him to hear inappropriate, negative words.  He is Holy!  So, now I immediately ask for forgiveness. 

 Indeed, we all make many mistakes.

For if we could control our tongues,

we would be perfect and

could also control ourselves in every other way. 

We can make a large horse go wherever we want

by means of a small bit in its mouth.

And a small rudder

makes a huge ship turn

wherever the pilot chooses to go,

even though the winds are strong.

In the same way,

the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.

And the tongue is a flame of fire.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish,

but no one can tame the tongue.

Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father,

and sometimes it curses those who have been made

in the image of God.

And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth.

Surely, my brothers and sisters,

this is not right! 

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure

...peace loving, gentle at all times...

willing to yield to others...mercy.       

James 3:2 - 6a, 7 - 10, 17  NLT

I love these verses because they are so visual, but the part that I remember is the wisdom that says we praise and curse with the same tongue.  One of my nieces wrote a paper for a college class about cause and effect, specifically about the earthquake in Japan.  It was impressive to see how her prayer life and God's Presence just flowed through her words.  God must have been smiling at what He was hearing.  Just like the beauty of the mockingbird's song, this young lady talked about the fear of waiting to hear from her friend who lives in Japan. Prayer was her choice.  I will copy the sweet sounds of the life around me.

Peeling My Onion

The analogy of an onion being like grief is very visual to me.  At one point last week, I wanted to write about how big or thick my onion must be - it has so many layers to peel.  But, don't we all?  In the past three years I have learned so much about myself, family, friends, letting go, and acceptance. 

It has almost been one year since I said "good-bye" to teaching, my town home, the church where I had attended, my medical team, and all that was familiar to me.  I had stopped driving during the first two years of this tug-of-war with cancer.  Playing the piano, writing, and drawing were difficult because of neuropathy in my fingers (from chemo).  Living alone was not happening anymore.

Then, in the fall, the cane came into my life.  It has been a great tool for me as my balance is not good.  For about a month or six weeks, I have hardly left the house due to fatigue or weakness.  How ridiculous!  There are tools for that!  After pealing more of the layers from the onion, it became a necessary decision to get a walker, wheelchair, or scooter.  Friends were able to offer their suggestions and explained their thinking.  It was very helpful. 

Like my cane, I chose a "fancy" walker because I plan on using it a few years.  It has a seat, brakes, cup holder, and bags for carry-a-longs.  There is even a spot for my cane.  Kevin is so giving and careful to prevent a fall that he has gone on walks with me.  (He says that I still need a walking buddy to make sure that I am steady with it.  Then I can take it out around the neighborhood alone.)  After grieving the loss of specific freedoms, I am now very excited about my walker.

We peel one layer off the onion, tears come, we accept it, and move forward.  Another change or loss and we peel another layer off of the onion, tears come, we examine it, accept it, and move forward.  Whether the change is in moving, a new job, physical limitations, a new stage in life, or loss of a loved one, God is there, helping us peel the layer from the onion, holding or steadying us through the tears, and showing the joy on the other side of acceptance. 

If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

Since He did not spare even his own Son but gave Him up for us all,

won’t He also give us everything else? 

Romans 8:31 - 32  NLT

Our view of "everything else" might have to change some but He is God, Almighty, and Love.  Now, for me, my goal is to play the piano everyday.  It takes energy!  I can play at an easier level for 15 minutes and it is a delight!  Peel the layer, grieve, accept, change expectations, and mover forward.  What will you do to move forward?