The Babe Has Arrived

The angels appeared to the shepherds, saying, "Fear not!" Their news was fantastic news so they listened, heard, and acted. They hurried and found Mary, Joseph, and Jesus in the stable. And, they were not disappointed.

What great examples for us! The uneducated, hard working shepherds heard about Jesus, rushed to see Him, and it changed their lives. When I read the Bible or hear a Biblical sermon or even a song, I want to respond like the sheep herders. I want to listen and act...I want to hear and take action...I want to understand and reply...

...and there was the Baby lying in a manger. Luke 2:16 NLT

70 Mile Journey

Round four is complete and next will come eight weeks of a less aggressive chemo drug. For now I still have some nausea, low energy, and low white blood cell count. But, this will improve over the next week. So, the journey continues.

Did you ever wonder why the 70 mile journey of Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem has such a small part in the "Christmas story"? Can you imagine seventy miles on a donkey...and being pregnant? Or seventy miles walking beside a donkey with a pregnant lady? There must have been discussions, encounters with others making the journey, disagreements, cold or restless nights, and many noteworthy events. Why aren't we told?

My journey with cancer has been about six months. A lot about the people, blessings, and miracles have not been documented. For me it has been because of lack of energy, limited insight, and because I am in the beginning or middle of the journey. I am busy living it instead of writing about it.

For Mary and Joseph the story of their travels are not in the Bible because the main character has not arrived. They are the supporting actors and the real miracle is about to happen. It is not because the journey was not important. It is because the time in Bethlehem is life changing for all of us. It is not because there was nothing valuable in their trip. It is because the most valuable time for us was Jesus' birth. It is not because these two servants of God didn't have something to teach us about trust. It is because the angels needed to remind us to be brave: "Fear not..."

For me, it is a good reminder of how I am not at the end of this journey, stay focused on one day at a time...and "FEAR NOT!" We all need to be reminded during various journeys in our lives to focus on the Main Character and Fear Not.

Job Was Human

Job was a man of faith who encountered great loss. He believes that God has stopped listening to him. This man of faith never doubts God's existence or sovereignty but he does question His justice and mercy. Job's friends view trials as a sign of sin. They accuse Job of sinning and state that his troubles are totally due to his own sin. In his discussions with them he blames God for destroying his hope. Job is angry with Him and feels that God has abandoned him.

It is easy to read the Book of Job and miss his faith. Some of his words are negative about God and a lot of his thinking is false. But, then he says, "Even now my witness is in heaven. My advocate is there on high." He still knows that God knows all. Job begs for mercy and in the middle of his complaining Job says, "But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that He will stand upon the earth at last...I will see Him for myself. Yes, I will see Him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!"

During chemo, there have been days when I didn't even open my Bible. God was still carrying me, sending encouragement my way, and holding my hand. The human side of Job validated my emotions. The faith statements of Job reminded me that in the midst of trials, my relationship with God is still real. "I know that my Redeemer lives!...I am overwhelmed at the thought!"

Six Weeks Later

Wow! I haven't blogged for a long, long time. There is no excuse for not checking in once in a while. My body has had a rough time with the chemo but there have been so many blessings to share.

My sister had been able to stay with me most days since July. She would go home on weekends or her husband would come up and visit. It was such a blessing - such a sacrifice. Then about 3 weeks ago Jack had a heart attack and Karen needed to go home to Chehalis. He had two stints put in and has his energy back, but what a scare.

Friends jumped in to help and so I have someone staying each night. The days right after chemo someone is able to be here during the daytime too. My kids regularly visit and help out by cooking, cleaning, decorating, visiting.

Each person seems to have their own gift to share: one friend organized my school books to sell, one friend collected sick leave days to donate to me, another friend organizes my food when I am going to be alone, several different friends drive me to chemo and dr. appts., colleagues from school bring me large envelopes filled with gifts to open each day, others have sent cards, one friend sold homemade cards to help me financially with Christmas gifts for my kids, some friends provide meals, and three friends flew me to the Grand Canyon before chemo started. Some friends or family members encourage me, others pray with me, and many pray for me. Everyone has their own special way that has touched my life.

I want to thank each of you because

you have touched my life,

encouraged me,

blessed me,

and you bring me joy.

Thank-you!!!

Fear???

A lot has happened since I last blogged. I had my first round of chemo. (A round consists of three hours of chemo thru my port, a shot on the next day, and lab work on day 8.) It was a very rough week for me as I was nauseated, etc for most of the time. I have had four types of anti-nausea meds and finally, as of yesterday, an anti-nausea patch. Along with the nausea, I am learning the differences between recovering from surgery, tired, and fatigued. Prior to this I wondered if fatigue was just a word for tired...it isn't. To me, it feels like your knees are going to give out if you remain standing. So that has been the ten days of chemo.

I can live with those side effects, and still laugh, joke, and enjoy life. In the night time, I became fearful of all of the other potential side effects that are poking their heads up: loosing my hair in about seven days (even tho' I know that it won't be a big deal...at first it might be emotional), "chemo brain" becoming permanent, mouth sores, infections, too fatigued to enjoy the holidays. Then I started laughing out loud, "I wrote many Single Mom Sunday School lessons on FEAR NOT!"

“But I said to you, ‘Don’t be shocked or afraid of them!

hair loss, thinking processes, fatigue

The Lord your God is going ahead of you.

He will fight for you,

just as you saw Him do in Egypt.

with rejection, separation, abandonment

And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you

all along the way

as you traveled through the wilderness,

infertility, loneliness, divorce, son in Iraq,

just as a father cares for his child.

Now He has brought you to this place.’

cancer, surgeries, chemo

Deuteronomy 1:29 - 31 NLT

So, why do I fear? I know that the Lord has been faithful to me through every event in life. Why do I fear? I know what He has promised me. Why do I fear? I know better than to worry about the future as it is not in my control. Let's laugh...let's leave the worry to God...let's march on.

One Step at a Time!

Chemo begins in three days and I am feeling wiser about my preparation. Last week I was focused on changes and potential side effects. It was overwhelming. This weekend I was reminded that I need to take it one step at a time...and, as stated in my last blog, that God is with me always, everywhere.

At the end of all of the chemo and radiation, strength will be renewed and my relationship with the Lord will be closer due to this journey. What awesome thoughts! Throughout life, every crisis, or extended period of stress, has been worth the struggle because of new thinking and a newer awareness of how God has worked. In one way it is exciting to see how He will "grow me". When typing that sentence, my emotions lifted and I became more focused on using this time as an opportunity to build relationships and to learn to receive from others. One step at a time...look for an opportunity to get to know others...take time to process the learning.

But those who trust in the Lord

will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 NLT

Tonight I am at peace as He is with me and

will give me strength.

A Forever Change

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Is 41:10 NLT

Thoughts surrounding the impact of cancer come in stages and then circulate to a deeper level. Throughout the day and finally tonight I realize that this is a lifetime change or sentence, so to speak. I have cancer or I had cancer but will never be done with this disease. That is an overwhelming realization for me! After potentially 124 weeks of chemo with six weeks of radiation in the middle, I will still regularly have tests and doctor appointments. January, a mammogram will need to be taken, and in August of 2010, I will have a CT/PET Scan to make sure the other kidney is cancer-free. Those are just the two required due to surgery.

What do I do with this level of thinking? I need to remain positive as chemo begins. This is not just a change in the plans I had for two years of teaching in India. This is a change where I will be reminded of the potential for unhealthy cells in my body every time I have another appointment...and every time I see the scars.

How does one balance a positive attitude with a devastating event like cancer, divorce, death of a family member or friend, etc.? Pray, journal, get angry, listen to music, read inspirational or uplifting articles and books, find a source of creativity, talk with friends, cry, laugh, and pray ~ pray ~ pray.

...listen to the Lord who created you...

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.

I have called you by name; you are mine.

When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

you will not be burned up;

the flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Is 43: 1 - 3 NLT

I choose to trust that the Lord will walk every step with me because He says He will. That is how I will accept and live with this new level of thinking.