A Forever Change

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Is 41:10 NLT

Thoughts surrounding the impact of cancer come in stages and then circulate to a deeper level. Throughout the day and finally tonight I realize that this is a lifetime change or sentence, so to speak. I have cancer or I had cancer but will never be done with this disease. That is an overwhelming realization for me! After potentially 124 weeks of chemo with six weeks of radiation in the middle, I will still regularly have tests and doctor appointments. January, a mammogram will need to be taken, and in August of 2010, I will have a CT/PET Scan to make sure the other kidney is cancer-free. Those are just the two required due to surgery.

What do I do with this level of thinking? I need to remain positive as chemo begins. This is not just a change in the plans I had for two years of teaching in India. This is a change where I will be reminded of the potential for unhealthy cells in my body every time I have another appointment...and every time I see the scars.

How does one balance a positive attitude with a devastating event like cancer, divorce, death of a family member or friend, etc.? Pray, journal, get angry, listen to music, read inspirational or uplifting articles and books, find a source of creativity, talk with friends, cry, laugh, and pray ~ pray ~ pray.

...listen to the Lord who created you...

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.

I have called you by name; you are mine.

When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

you will not be burned up;

the flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Is 43: 1 - 3 NLT

I choose to trust that the Lord will walk every step with me because He says He will. That is how I will accept and live with this new level of thinking.