Keep Your Eye on the Ball

Growing up in a home where my Dad and brother were active in Little League, and later my son, I heard this phrase a lot: keep your eye on the ball. It would seem obvious that in baseball every player would know this. But, it had to be taught and practiced.

Life has the same rule if we choose to live with a positive attitude while going through times of difficulty. In my situation, chemo has a way of zapping me of energy and focus. My first round of chemo was so harsh that I had to stay focused on living a day at a time but I should have kept the goal (or ball) in mind too. Now with this second round of chemo, I am able to look at the ball: be cancer free for the rest of my life. With that in mind, even if there is a pain or discomfort and still two years of treatment left, I am able to get up and say, "Thank-you for this treatment!" If I stick to it, I will remain cancer free. That makes me move forward while remaining positive.

Anyone who listens to My teaching

and follows it is wise,

like the person who builds his house upon solid rock.

Though the rain comes in torrents

and the flood waters rise

and the winds beat against that house,

it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock.

Matthew 7:24 - 25 NLT

Keep eternity in mind...keep your eye on the goal...keep your eye on the ball.

It must be taught and practiced...

We must listen and follow.

False Assumptions

Tomorrow begins week two of what I am now calling Round Two of chemo, different drugs with different side effects. I am also back to reading Job, a book in the Bible about a man who knew God but experienced troubling times. He had great faith because he never doubted the existence or sovereignty of God. But, the conclusions he made of the changes in his life were based on false assumptions. It made me realize that some of my experiences during this cancer adventure have been based on false assumptions too.

The plans to go live in India for two years were hit with the prognosis of cancer which included two and a half years of treatment. I was shocked into a state of "take action" and then the overwhelming schedule of treatments. The way for me to stay positive was to live one day at a time and not look at the next type of treatment. Round One of chemo was very difficult for my body and the "one day at a time" philosophy was the only way for me to survive.

Then came my false assumption: my life is now and will ever be totally consumed by cancer. For two and a half years I will have chemo and radiation. Then I will always live with the tests that will be checking to see that the cancer has not returned. So, again, the "one day at a time" philosophy was good and was also beginning to be bad. I couldn't see beyond the treatments and tests.

My second false assumption was that each round of chemo or treatment would be extremely difficult. My hope had to come from God and His mercy and strength. He has always given me purpose and joy. Now I had to get my mind focused that way.

Thankfully Job has been being a great example for me. The past two days have physically been my best days in the past five months, and all of a sudden I see myself looking to next year. I can envision myself teaching, visiting relatives, writing, and even teaching adults at church again. Wow! I didn't even realize that I had been robbing myself of choices and a future.

During each crisis we may face - abandonment, divorce, death of a loved one, infertility, loss of a job - we probably live with some false assumptions. I bet the phone calls that I have not returned have even caused some to have false assumptions like I do not care or that I am depressed. (It's truly because of lack of energy and regrouping.) Also, what other people say to us can even cause us to make false assumptions about ourselves. Like Job, I need to remember Who God is, what He says about me, His promises, and where I can find the truth. If my thinking leads me to a dead end or a hopeless future, I need to rethink the conclusion. Where is my false thinking or untrue assumption? Where is your thinking faulty? There is hope for each of us.

The Babe Has Arrived

The angels appeared to the shepherds, saying, "Fear not!" Their news was fantastic news so they listened, heard, and acted. They hurried and found Mary, Joseph, and Jesus in the stable. And, they were not disappointed.

What great examples for us! The uneducated, hard working shepherds heard about Jesus, rushed to see Him, and it changed their lives. When I read the Bible or hear a Biblical sermon or even a song, I want to respond like the sheep herders. I want to listen and act...I want to hear and take action...I want to understand and reply...

...and there was the Baby lying in a manger. Luke 2:16 NLT

70 Mile Journey

Round four is complete and next will come eight weeks of a less aggressive chemo drug. For now I still have some nausea, low energy, and low white blood cell count. But, this will improve over the next week. So, the journey continues.

Did you ever wonder why the 70 mile journey of Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem has such a small part in the "Christmas story"? Can you imagine seventy miles on a donkey...and being pregnant? Or seventy miles walking beside a donkey with a pregnant lady? There must have been discussions, encounters with others making the journey, disagreements, cold or restless nights, and many noteworthy events. Why aren't we told?

My journey with cancer has been about six months. A lot about the people, blessings, and miracles have not been documented. For me it has been because of lack of energy, limited insight, and because I am in the beginning or middle of the journey. I am busy living it instead of writing about it.

For Mary and Joseph the story of their travels are not in the Bible because the main character has not arrived. They are the supporting actors and the real miracle is about to happen. It is not because the journey was not important. It is because the time in Bethlehem is life changing for all of us. It is not because there was nothing valuable in their trip. It is because the most valuable time for us was Jesus' birth. It is not because these two servants of God didn't have something to teach us about trust. It is because the angels needed to remind us to be brave: "Fear not..."

For me, it is a good reminder of how I am not at the end of this journey, stay focused on one day at a time...and "FEAR NOT!" We all need to be reminded during various journeys in our lives to focus on the Main Character and Fear Not.

Job Was Human

Job was a man of faith who encountered great loss. He believes that God has stopped listening to him. This man of faith never doubts God's existence or sovereignty but he does question His justice and mercy. Job's friends view trials as a sign of sin. They accuse Job of sinning and state that his troubles are totally due to his own sin. In his discussions with them he blames God for destroying his hope. Job is angry with Him and feels that God has abandoned him.

It is easy to read the Book of Job and miss his faith. Some of his words are negative about God and a lot of his thinking is false. But, then he says, "Even now my witness is in heaven. My advocate is there on high." He still knows that God knows all. Job begs for mercy and in the middle of his complaining Job says, "But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that He will stand upon the earth at last...I will see Him for myself. Yes, I will see Him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!"

During chemo, there have been days when I didn't even open my Bible. God was still carrying me, sending encouragement my way, and holding my hand. The human side of Job validated my emotions. The faith statements of Job reminded me that in the midst of trials, my relationship with God is still real. "I know that my Redeemer lives!...I am overwhelmed at the thought!"

Six Weeks Later

Wow! I haven't blogged for a long, long time. There is no excuse for not checking in once in a while. My body has had a rough time with the chemo but there have been so many blessings to share.

My sister had been able to stay with me most days since July. She would go home on weekends or her husband would come up and visit. It was such a blessing - such a sacrifice. Then about 3 weeks ago Jack had a heart attack and Karen needed to go home to Chehalis. He had two stints put in and has his energy back, but what a scare.

Friends jumped in to help and so I have someone staying each night. The days right after chemo someone is able to be here during the daytime too. My kids regularly visit and help out by cooking, cleaning, decorating, visiting.

Each person seems to have their own gift to share: one friend organized my school books to sell, one friend collected sick leave days to donate to me, another friend organizes my food when I am going to be alone, several different friends drive me to chemo and dr. appts., colleagues from school bring me large envelopes filled with gifts to open each day, others have sent cards, one friend sold homemade cards to help me financially with Christmas gifts for my kids, some friends provide meals, and three friends flew me to the Grand Canyon before chemo started. Some friends or family members encourage me, others pray with me, and many pray for me. Everyone has their own special way that has touched my life.

I want to thank each of you because

you have touched my life,

encouraged me,

blessed me,

and you bring me joy.

Thank-you!!!

Fear???

A lot has happened since I last blogged. I had my first round of chemo. (A round consists of three hours of chemo thru my port, a shot on the next day, and lab work on day 8.) It was a very rough week for me as I was nauseated, etc for most of the time. I have had four types of anti-nausea meds and finally, as of yesterday, an anti-nausea patch. Along with the nausea, I am learning the differences between recovering from surgery, tired, and fatigued. Prior to this I wondered if fatigue was just a word for tired...it isn't. To me, it feels like your knees are going to give out if you remain standing. So that has been the ten days of chemo.

I can live with those side effects, and still laugh, joke, and enjoy life. In the night time, I became fearful of all of the other potential side effects that are poking their heads up: loosing my hair in about seven days (even tho' I know that it won't be a big deal...at first it might be emotional), "chemo brain" becoming permanent, mouth sores, infections, too fatigued to enjoy the holidays. Then I started laughing out loud, "I wrote many Single Mom Sunday School lessons on FEAR NOT!"

“But I said to you, ‘Don’t be shocked or afraid of them!

hair loss, thinking processes, fatigue

The Lord your God is going ahead of you.

He will fight for you,

just as you saw Him do in Egypt.

with rejection, separation, abandonment

And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you

all along the way

as you traveled through the wilderness,

infertility, loneliness, divorce, son in Iraq,

just as a father cares for his child.

Now He has brought you to this place.’

cancer, surgeries, chemo

Deuteronomy 1:29 - 31 NLT

So, why do I fear? I know that the Lord has been faithful to me through every event in life. Why do I fear? I know what He has promised me. Why do I fear? I know better than to worry about the future as it is not in my control. Let's laugh...let's leave the worry to God...let's march on.