After Surgery

Surgery has come and gone, lab results have come back, tomorrow is my appt with my oncologist. I was going to be in India, settled in my flat, and getting ready for school to start next week. Since the shift in plans, I have had to learn many things about adjusting: take it one step at a time.

It has been interesting to watch and experience on many levels: my personal processing, friends, family, and spiritually. It is easier for me to take one small step at a time. I thought about and then accepted the biopsy results. Energy went to surgery and nothing beyond. Next came the lab reports from surgery. Adjusting to the physical changes after surgery and the lack of independence. Now comes the oncology...

O Lord, You have examined my heart

and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel

and when I rest at home.

You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say

even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too great for me to understand!

Ps 139:1 - 6 NLT

My brother had suggested visualizing Jesus standing before me asking, "What can I do for you?" Then remain silent and let my thoughts go to my deepest needs. It was very powerful for me as what I found out that I needed was a physical hug, His hand holding mine, and Him supporting me from behind. Now, as I look ahead to chemo and all that it will entail, I can recall the image and the words, "Hugging. Holding. Supporting". He is hugging me with an overwhelming love, holding my hand as my best Friend, and supporting my back with the strongest and most gentle hands known.

Uncertain about what lies ahead this week. Anxious? A little. Uncertain about my physical reaction? For sure. But, at peace because I do know that He will be walking each step with me. Even in India I would have needed that assurance.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!