What a Change!

Surgery. Recovery. Awareness. Pain. Tests. Appointments.

Tests. Appointments.

My life has gone from traveling to a new country to visiting every medical building at Valley Medical Center. Modesty to exposure. Creating a classroom in India to creating a healing environment in Kent. Living alone to never being alone. Energy to fatigue. Daily devotions and study to weekly devotions.

Today has been the most difficult day I have had so far in this new journey. No special reason. Nothing new today; at least nothing that I could put my finger on throughout the afternoon. I just had a feeling of sadness all day long, with no motivation to do anything.


Now, at three o'clock in the morning, I realized that it is the ending of the first week of school in India. Then the emotions came that this cancer is not just a small event in my life but an ever changing one. I have always been slow to process events and their impact on my life but most of the time it saves me from a lot of unnecessary drama. The worst rarely ever happens...and for sure this is not the worst scenario in life. It just stopped my dream of teaching in India. (I could possibly do it in the future but right now I am not focusing that way. There was so much time, money, and energy spent on planning my new adventure that I can't see myself reliving the preparations.) So, after a month of living with the knowledge that I have breast cancer, I have accepted the fact that I will not be teaching in India this year...and maybe never.


For me, it is good to feel sad, grieve, and to acknowledge that the rain has come, and it came in torrents. It means that I am alive and actually experiencing life. I know that God will hold me up, love me, and not let me collapse...because He is my rock. I can cry and know that I don't have to be strong...He is my solid rock. I can grieve and know that it is because I didn't get what I wanted...but He loves me anyway. Now I can sleep.

Anyone who listens to My teaching
and obeys Me is wise
like a person who builds a house on solid rock.
Though the rain comes in torrents
and the floodwaters rise
and the winds beat against that house,
it won't collapse,
because it is built on rock.
Matthew 7:24 - 25 NLT