The wedding is over. Both of my surgeries are done and I have healed. My home is getting put back together. Everyone is at home for now. A website has been set up for my needs once chemo begins. And I am able to catch up on thank-you notes and labeling pictures on my laptop.
The Lord has my attention and I am listening. Two events have been going through my mind as I continue grieving in a deeper way: the beginning of school and teaching in India. Teaching has always been a creative outlet for me, full of relationships. India was to be a huge adventure that I would be doing by myself. Both are and were avenues of spiritual growth. Constantly in the classroom the Lord would allow me to touch students in ways that were beyond my own talents. It was evident that He was working through me. Obviously in India I would have been depending on Him for emotional strength, loneliness, and guidance.
Instead of needing Him in the classroom and in a distant country, I need the Lord to hold my hand through this journey. I have been reading about, and more importantly, talking with people who have been on this road. It can be overwhelming to think about: what will chemo feel like, how will my body react, what will I be able to do during those months, what will food taste like, which smells will bother me, will radiation hurt, will my hair start to grow back only to fall out again, can I really ask people to do all of the daily things for me, etc, etc, etc. It is definitely necessary for me to go one step at a time.
It can and will all be a rich experience for me, full of many blessings and miracles. But, tonight, I am going to allow myself the time to grieve as I know Who is with me. My Bible is right beside me full of encouragement and truths...but for now, I am going to grieve teaching and India. Don't worry, I will not stay in this space for long...just for tonight.
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