One Step at a Time

Two and a half years of chemo and six weeks of radiation are ahead of me. So far, I have been able to look at what lies just ahead instead of two steps down the road. That has helped me emotionally as well as physically but it takes discipline. Chemo is the next step. Yet my mind is jumping to radiation. Why? Fear of the unknown. I have not spoken to anyone who had radiation and so I've been reading about it...It sounds painful.

For chemo, the part that would bother me the most is nausea. Whenever I have been nauseated in the past, I would lie as still as possible so that I wouldn't throw up. I was frozen and would just wait until it passed. Truly, what a big baby! So, when discussing the side effects with my oncologist, he said that there are two known side effects for sure from the chemo: loss of hair and fatigue. He said that nausea is not really a problem because of good medications nowadays. I can deal with the loss of hair and hopefully the fatigue is also tolerable.

Next my mind has jumped ahead to radiation. I began to read about it: procedures and side effects. The thought of it is frightening! I had to put the book away and discipline myself to focus on healing, building my strength, drinking plenty of water, and chemo. I have had to force myself to look only at the next step, chemo.

Remember Philippians 4:6 - 7, "Don't worry...Pray...Tell God what you need...Thank Him...His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Then in verses 8 - 9, "...Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable..." I can do that. There are so many good things to think about and so many good things that God has done for me. I can do this! One step at a time...The summer is somewhat of a blur due to the shock of a change of plans and the surgeries. The present is full of joy due to the Kent teachers strike about to end and the wedding of my niece this week. The future is in God's hands and so I will obey: don't worry, pray, and discipline my thoughts. I can do this with His help. I can do this as He has given me the keys! I can do this!