Naked

Mammogram and colonoscopy done. Second mammogram, ultrasound, and needle biopsy checked off. Lumpectomy and lymphnode removal completed. Brain MRI, CT/PET Scan, MUGA (heart) results back. EKG. Kidney removed. Primary doctor, breast surgeon, oncologist, oncologist's partner, kidney surgeon, nurses, teams in operating rooms, technicians...all know more about me than I knew. Thoroughly examined and physically naked.

While healing at home, many dear friends and family have met my every need. They have been able to monitor my liquid intake, food intake, number of hours in bed, showers, and lack of activity. Each has sacrificed greatly for me and there is very little about me that they do not know.

As I have been getting stronger, being laid open before others has begun to feel uncomfortable. Not that I tried to hide anything from my friends but we all have things we don't like about ourselves that are often invisible to others. Like the junk drawer of our homes, we have junk drawers in our lives. Stuffed in my junk drawer are traits, habits, behaviors that I do not like about myself.

The Lord knows all about my junk drawer. It is opened regularly for Him to examine. I willingly have given Him the key. The ideal relationship with God is nakedness, pure intimacy. People were created naked: Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame. Genesis 2:25 NLT Because He is trustworthy and loves unconditionally, I can be 100% open with Him. But now people have been allowed to see my junk drawer and it no longer can be closed. I could start another junk drawer where they do not have the key but is that the way I should live?

While pondering this feeling of nakedness, my junk drawer accessed, lack of privacy, it dawned on me that this still is not the innermost part of me. My lack of self-discipline, ability to be comfortable in sweats, desire to stay home rather than go out, personal filing style (or piling), etc, etc, etc are visible to others. But there are still thoughts and feelings that I can choose to share or keep private. But reality is that this process has been very valuable to make me a more open person and the person that God wants me to be.

I must go to my Source of strength to feel loved and okay:

For the word of God is alive and powerful.

It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword,

cutting between soul and spirit,

between joint and marrow.

It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God.

Everything is naked and exposed before His eyes,

and He is the one to whom we are accountable.

So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven,

Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe.

This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses,

for He faced all of the same testings we do, yet He did not sin.

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.

There we will receive His mercy,

and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Hebrews 4:12 - 16 NLT

My junk drawer is open. I am naked before my friends and family. And, yet, I can come boldly to God, receive mercy for laziness, and grace for my short comings. He loves me and shows me that this is how we all should live: naked. I will try to keep my junk drawer open and have less in it. Great lesson for me!