Tonight (or this morning)I am feeling odd...extremely focused on what lies ahead in about 10 days. A white bear with a pink dress that was given to me by cancer survivor is ready to sit on my lap during chemo. My sister is planning to drive me to the appointments. The schedule has been made.
The oncologist told me that two things are certain: fatigue and loss of hair. Lately I have been frustrated with my lack of energy from kidney surgery and how friends and family have graciously been pitching in to help me with daily chores, meals, and grocery shopping. The past two days I have accomplished very little as my body was exhausted from our six day trip to the Grand Canyon. So what will it be like with 2 1/2 years of chemo? Will I be fatigued some of the time, most of the time, or all of the time? Will I be able to hold on for that long or will I say, "Enough is enough?" Lack of energy is one thing but fatigue sounds a lot more frustrating. What will I be able to do?
Then there is the loss of hair. I think that it is no big deal as my life does not revolve around my looks. But, as I was looking at hats for daily use, going out, and sleeping I decided that maybe I haven't prepared myself for the emotions that will come.
What should I be doing the next ten days? There is a very helpful website, http://www.lotsofhelpinghands.com/ (Lots of Helping Hands) where you put in your needs on a calendar, email friends, and let them sign up for what they will be able to do. I have listed meals, rides to and from chemo and doctor appointments, and cleaning the bathroom. Do you know how hard it is to ask people to do that? All of it needs to be done and with medical bills I am not able to pay someone to clean the house. Already two dear friends have volunteered to clean my bathroom. Wow, that is compassion and service! The needs are on the calendar and my bedroom is organized with the things that I think I will need close at hand. What should I be doing?
Focusing on strength and peace are worth my time right now. Where does my strength come from? Where does peace come from? Who calms my fears of the unknown? These questions lead me right back to the Lord and His Word. My relationship and dependence on Him will give me the strength, peace, and wisdom to face what lies ahead. It is the same for each of us no matter what our present struggles. No human can give me strength and no human can give me peace. I must, once again, discipline my thoughts and time to spend time with Him in prayer, reading, and music.
No, despite all these things,
overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.
Neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons,
neither our fears for today
nor our worries about tomorrow—
not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.
No power in the sky above or in the earth below—
indeed, nothing in all creation
will ever be able to separate us
from the love of God
that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37 - 39 NLT
No comments:
Post a Comment