Get Up, the Sun is Shining!

Last night I was able to focus on my grief over the loss of teaching and going to India. To get myself going again, I turn to what I know to be the truth: great friends, supportive children who know the Lord, and a Lord Who loves me. When feeling sad or overwhelmed, I give myself permission to feel down for a reasonable amount of time. Then I do what helps me look past myself.

I have surrounded myself with things that I enjoy doing and outlets of creativity. Last spring my colleagues told me the titles of their favorite books and they are now sitting on the windowsill. To prepare for India I downloaded my favorite music onto my IPod which is sitting near my bed. My scrapbooking supplies are organized in the plastic drawers that were to be shipped to me. Favorite puzzles are ready for me to put together. My camera is close by so that when people visit I can have a visual to scrapbook of this journey. My laptop has enough memory to hold my photos and they have all been backed up on CDs so that I can print them when I feel creative. Scrapbooks were completed of trips, friends, and family members so that I would have them when I felt homesick or lonely: the beauty of Washington, people whom I love, and funny times with friends and family. And, my Bailey dog comes to visit me regularly. All that I had done to organize my trip to India is helping me get up with a positive attitude.

The most important part of moving forward for me is my faith. My Bible is right next to me at all times. I find encouragement, understanding, hope, and joy inside its covers. And, I definitely have time for prayer. It is also a source of strength and it makes me look past myself to others.

My very, very close friend died of breast cancer twenty years ago. When she was no longer able to get out of bed, she asked me why she was still alive. What was her purpose? What could she do and what was the point of her being alive? I remember telling her that the Lord has her alive for at least two reasons: her husband and children needed to be ready to let her go, and she could pray for others...and obviously to show me how to go down this road with joy. I am now finding comfort in those words.

Medicine has come a long way in curing breast cancer so I am not as ill as Maxine was. Her cancer went into her bones and then into her brain. Chemo will make me fatigued and lately my migraines have kept me in bed but I do not have the pain that she had. So, I have been able to use some of my time praying. My medicine is music, laughter, games, prayer, reading, and being with family and friends. (Food still looks like it is a main source of comfort too.) Disciplining my thoughts, taking each day one step at a time, and remembering Who is with me all help me get up after a time of grieving to see the sun shining around me. Never worry when I need to take time to be sad. I have the right medicine to be lifted up.