Radiation and Strength

I have completed eleven days of radiation with 25 to go. With the type of cancer I have/had, this is the easy part so far. (Not everyone has it this easy with radiation. It all depends on the location of the cancer.) I do get tired after it and have the beginning of a sunburn but all of that is temporary.

After writing that, it made me realize that everything in life is temporary. Most of it depends on our attitude. Three days this week I started my day by reading Psalms 66 and 67. My attitude was so positive because my focus wasn't on me. Then I changed my wall hanging from reminding me that I can hide under His wings to Is 40:31

Those that wait upon the Lord

shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as eagles;

they shall run and not be weary,

they shall walk and not faint.

For me that is really important to remember. Strength is what I am wanting. Isn't everyone needing strength for each day and situation? Teachers are needing strength to get through the demanding part of the school year. Those entering the work force need strength because they are not used to getting up that early. Parents of young children need strength because their sleep is scheduled by the little blessing. And, do I need to say anything about parents of teenagers??? We all need strength and our focus needs to be on the Lord. It will come in His perfect timing. We just need to trust.

Roller Coaster Emotions

I fell asleep at a "normal" time tonight. All of a sudden something fell in the house and I woke up. Then my emotions went to: "I don't want to do this anymore! I want my healthy life back." Now how did I get here??? So many steps forward and then one big one backwards.

Last week I started radiation treatment. It will be for six+ weeks. There are very few side effects, if any. The negative is that I have to go Monday through Friday. That part feels intense because I have no control over my schedule for the next six+ weeks. And, as I have stated in the past, there will always be reminders that I have had and survived cancer. That is very positive except that the dr. appts. will be at regular intervals for the rest of my life.

These feelings are probably very normal but it makes me feel as if I am whining. There are so many things that are worse than stage two, aggressive breast cancer. I have the best doctors and chemo nurses that there are. I also like my radiology oncologist and the technicians. Everyone is so supportive, kind, loving, and insightful.

After whining and praying for a few hours, I will move to being more thankful. Just before my first radiation treatment, my brother sent me a text:

"Make sure you tell your good cells

that the nuke is coming

so they can take cover behind any guys

thinking of changing teams.

Just a strategy.

Quiet warfare is my business."

His compassion, love, and understanding was fantastic along with his sense of humor. And this was just the first of four of his silly texts. Each one made me laugh which is always great medicine. The people beside me laughed and laughed too.

I need to be allowed to whine and to grieve but I cannot stay there. That's why there are promises in Scripture, songs full of hope, family, and friends. Now all is better. Good night!

Plans and Grief

Last week two things helped me move forward in my life: the MRI and CT scan showed no cancer...and I will be teaching at Emerald Park again! Fantastic news! Each day my strength is increasing and my mind is getting more clear. The Taxel is getting out of my system. I will still have radiation for six weeks but it does not have the same type of side effects. And, I am still bald but I do have fuzz. lol

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.

"They are plans for good and not for disaster,

to give you a future and a hope..."

Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

This verse is so full of hope even if the MRI would have shown a tumor...but it didn't. It gives such peace because I know that whatever comes my way or has come my way, it is in the Lord's loving hands. This knowledge has helped me over the past ten months along with Psalm 91:4 which assures me that I can find refuge under His wings. He has always been faithful to me and that also gave me peace.

How can I complain? It was odd to me that I was feeling very sad tonight until I realized that my way of dealing with stress or loss is to stay strong, live through it, adjust, and then feel true emotions. I may cry, feel the loss of the year, think about India, but I also feel joy. Many people have shown me such love and there have been many, many blessings...but I do need to grieve the losses so that I can move on. Plans for good, full of hope. That will be my foundation and the power that will allow me to grieve and then get up and go.