My Loving Quilt

What a beautiful gift of love I received from students and parents at Emerald Park! A parent of two of my previous students organized the project and put it together. Students that had been in my classes wrote and colored on squares. It was so much fun to read their messages and see their drawings. The quilt is backed with pink and white breast cancer fleece. I feel loved!

Just like God's love, the quilt is also functional. During chemo the nurses give you a warm blanket to cover you as the drugs can make you cold. Now I will be using my quilt in chemo. It reminds me of my loving students and is symbolic of their hugs.

God's love has gone with me to chemo each week, through all of the side effects, and the days of fatigue. He is as real as the quilt and covers me with love, hope, and peace. I can complain, rejoice, and tell Him my innermost secrets. Just like the quilt, His presence makes me feel loved.

Thank-you Emerald Park family!

My Daughter's Dream

Events in our lives have many purposes. Another purpose for my plans to go to India became clear last night while discussing Christy's plans for her future. She will graduate from Western WA University on March 20 with a degree in Anthropology and a minor in teaching English to English language learners. Her hope is to go and teach overseas, possibly in South Korea.

The steps that prepared me for India are now needed to help my daughter get ready to teach overseas: passport, visa, passport photos, vaccinations, electrical plugs, items to make her feel at home, language CDs, shipping info, etc. The beauty in this is the reminder that nothing in our lives is ever wasted. God uses our experiences for ourselves as well as others. If I hadn't been planning to go to India, I would not know anything about the above steps to help her prepare to leave the country.

What an awesome God we serve!

Look at how much He loves my beautiful daughter.

He values all the details of our lives.

Sometimes we get to see the purpose

and sometimes we have to wait.

I am thankful that I can see one valuable use today.

Keep Your Eye on the Ball

Growing up in a home where my Dad and brother were active in Little League, and later my son, I heard this phrase a lot: keep your eye on the ball. It would seem obvious that in baseball every player would know this. But, it had to be taught and practiced.

Life has the same rule if we choose to live with a positive attitude while going through times of difficulty. In my situation, chemo has a way of zapping me of energy and focus. My first round of chemo was so harsh that I had to stay focused on living a day at a time but I should have kept the goal (or ball) in mind too. Now with this second round of chemo, I am able to look at the ball: be cancer free for the rest of my life. With that in mind, even if there is a pain or discomfort and still two years of treatment left, I am able to get up and say, "Thank-you for this treatment!" If I stick to it, I will remain cancer free. That makes me move forward while remaining positive.

Anyone who listens to My teaching

and follows it is wise,

like the person who builds his house upon solid rock.

Though the rain comes in torrents

and the flood waters rise

and the winds beat against that house,

it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock.

Matthew 7:24 - 25 NLT

Keep eternity in mind...keep your eye on the goal...keep your eye on the ball.

It must be taught and practiced...

We must listen and follow.

False Assumptions

Tomorrow begins week two of what I am now calling Round Two of chemo, different drugs with different side effects. I am also back to reading Job, a book in the Bible about a man who knew God but experienced troubling times. He had great faith because he never doubted the existence or sovereignty of God. But, the conclusions he made of the changes in his life were based on false assumptions. It made me realize that some of my experiences during this cancer adventure have been based on false assumptions too.

The plans to go live in India for two years were hit with the prognosis of cancer which included two and a half years of treatment. I was shocked into a state of "take action" and then the overwhelming schedule of treatments. The way for me to stay positive was to live one day at a time and not look at the next type of treatment. Round One of chemo was very difficult for my body and the "one day at a time" philosophy was the only way for me to survive.

Then came my false assumption: my life is now and will ever be totally consumed by cancer. For two and a half years I will have chemo and radiation. Then I will always live with the tests that will be checking to see that the cancer has not returned. So, again, the "one day at a time" philosophy was good and was also beginning to be bad. I couldn't see beyond the treatments and tests.

My second false assumption was that each round of chemo or treatment would be extremely difficult. My hope had to come from God and His mercy and strength. He has always given me purpose and joy. Now I had to get my mind focused that way.

Thankfully Job has been being a great example for me. The past two days have physically been my best days in the past five months, and all of a sudden I see myself looking to next year. I can envision myself teaching, visiting relatives, writing, and even teaching adults at church again. Wow! I didn't even realize that I had been robbing myself of choices and a future.

During each crisis we may face - abandonment, divorce, death of a loved one, infertility, loss of a job - we probably live with some false assumptions. I bet the phone calls that I have not returned have even caused some to have false assumptions like I do not care or that I am depressed. (It's truly because of lack of energy and regrouping.) Also, what other people say to us can even cause us to make false assumptions about ourselves. Like Job, I need to remember Who God is, what He says about me, His promises, and where I can find the truth. If my thinking leads me to a dead end or a hopeless future, I need to rethink the conclusion. Where is my false thinking or untrue assumption? Where is your thinking faulty? There is hope for each of us.

The Babe Has Arrived

The angels appeared to the shepherds, saying, "Fear not!" Their news was fantastic news so they listened, heard, and acted. They hurried and found Mary, Joseph, and Jesus in the stable. And, they were not disappointed.

What great examples for us! The uneducated, hard working shepherds heard about Jesus, rushed to see Him, and it changed their lives. When I read the Bible or hear a Biblical sermon or even a song, I want to respond like the sheep herders. I want to listen and act...I want to hear and take action...I want to understand and reply...

...and there was the Baby lying in a manger. Luke 2:16 NLT

70 Mile Journey

Round four is complete and next will come eight weeks of a less aggressive chemo drug. For now I still have some nausea, low energy, and low white blood cell count. But, this will improve over the next week. So, the journey continues.

Did you ever wonder why the 70 mile journey of Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem has such a small part in the "Christmas story"? Can you imagine seventy miles on a donkey...and being pregnant? Or seventy miles walking beside a donkey with a pregnant lady? There must have been discussions, encounters with others making the journey, disagreements, cold or restless nights, and many noteworthy events. Why aren't we told?

My journey with cancer has been about six months. A lot about the people, blessings, and miracles have not been documented. For me it has been because of lack of energy, limited insight, and because I am in the beginning or middle of the journey. I am busy living it instead of writing about it.

For Mary and Joseph the story of their travels are not in the Bible because the main character has not arrived. They are the supporting actors and the real miracle is about to happen. It is not because the journey was not important. It is because the time in Bethlehem is life changing for all of us. It is not because there was nothing valuable in their trip. It is because the most valuable time for us was Jesus' birth. It is not because these two servants of God didn't have something to teach us about trust. It is because the angels needed to remind us to be brave: "Fear not..."

For me, it is a good reminder of how I am not at the end of this journey, stay focused on one day at a time...and "FEAR NOT!" We all need to be reminded during various journeys in our lives to focus on the Main Character and Fear Not.

Job Was Human

Job was a man of faith who encountered great loss. He believes that God has stopped listening to him. This man of faith never doubts God's existence or sovereignty but he does question His justice and mercy. Job's friends view trials as a sign of sin. They accuse Job of sinning and state that his troubles are totally due to his own sin. In his discussions with them he blames God for destroying his hope. Job is angry with Him and feels that God has abandoned him.

It is easy to read the Book of Job and miss his faith. Some of his words are negative about God and a lot of his thinking is false. But, then he says, "Even now my witness is in heaven. My advocate is there on high." He still knows that God knows all. Job begs for mercy and in the middle of his complaining Job says, "But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that He will stand upon the earth at last...I will see Him for myself. Yes, I will see Him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!"

During chemo, there have been days when I didn't even open my Bible. God was still carrying me, sending encouragement my way, and holding my hand. The human side of Job validated my emotions. The faith statements of Job reminded me that in the midst of trials, my relationship with God is still real. "I know that my Redeemer lives!...I am overwhelmed at the thought!"