I fell asleep at a "normal" time tonight. All of a sudden something fell in the house and I woke up. Then my emotions went to: "I don't want to do this anymore! I want my healthy life back." Now how did I get here??? So many steps forward and then one big one backwards.
Last week I started radiation treatment. It will be for six+ weeks. There are very few side effects, if any. The negative is that I have to go Monday through Friday. That part feels intense because I have no control over my schedule for the next six+ weeks. And, as I have stated in the past, there will always be reminders that I have had and survived cancer. That is very positive except that the dr. appts. will be at regular intervals for the rest of my life.
These feelings are probably very normal but it makes me feel as if I am whining. There are so many things that are worse than stage two, aggressive breast cancer. I have the best doctors and chemo nurses that there are. I also like my radiology oncologist and the technicians. Everyone is so supportive, kind, loving, and insightful.
After whining and praying for a few hours, I will move to being more thankful. Just before my first radiation treatment, my brother sent me a text:
"Make sure you tell your good cells
that the nuke is coming
so they can take cover behind any guys
thinking of changing teams.
Just a strategy.
Quiet warfare is my business."
His compassion, love, and understanding was fantastic along with his sense of humor. And this was just the first of four of his silly texts. Each one made me laugh which is always great medicine. The people beside me laughed and laughed too.
I need to be allowed to whine and to grieve but I cannot stay there. That's why there are promises in Scripture, songs full of hope, family, and friends. Now all is better. Good night!
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